furrbear: (YingYangBearGayLeather)
at night with bear
we spoon fingers lace soft light glows ginger moustache I smile peacefully you sleep sonorous breathing finger traces ripple back fur contentment whispered strong arms cradle chest waxed whiskers nuzzle neck soft heartbeats souls smile
furrbear: (YinYang)
Ha wa Ri ni katazu,
      Ri wa Ho ni katazu,
            Ho wa Ken ni katazu,
                  Ken wa Ten ni katazu.

Injustice cannot conquer Principle, Principle cannot conquer Law, Law cannot conquer Power, Power cannot conquer Heaven.
furrbear: (FreeBSD Daemon)
Symptom:                Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is
                        unusually pale and clear.
Problem:                Glass empty.
Action Required:        Find someone who will buy you another beer.

Symptom:                Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,
                        and the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault:                  Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to
                        wrong part of face.
Action Required:        Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.
                        Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
furrbear: (Default)

mrplamp11 40 of The Most Creative Lamp Designs Ever
furrbear: (Geode Bear)
Hypnos and Morpheus are rumored to be in a triad with Dionysus and are spending all their free time at Bear Runs on the Aegean.

Get Back to Work You Two.
furrbear: (LeatherBear)
So many Cowboys.
Taut Wrangler butts drive me nuts.
Never enough rope.
furrbear: (Default)
Inspired by my FB post...
The Bear 411 Drinking Game:
  • Take a shot every time you see a picture of a household pet elevated to child replacement status.

  • Take a shot every time you see a picture taken in a mirror with a visible mobile phone.

  • Take a shot every time you read the phrase "I don't bite...hard!"

  • Take a shot every time you see a photo taken, inexplicably, in the driver's seat of a car.

  • ...
furrbear: (LeatherBear)
I see his headlamps show up in the driveway, pop out the back door, pluck a convenient(ly preselected) rose from one of the bushes and climb in his car.
He had me at "Awww, thank you. Wow, you're even cuter in person."

Wonderful pizza dinner where we talked for a couple hours. Then we talked and snogged in my driveway for bit over 90 minutes.

All in all... A WONDERFUL first date. I look forward to the second.
furrbear: (Body Count)
I was downstairs shaving, that's my entire head except for mustache and goatee, and I recalled the first time I did it. It was close to this date in 1998. The next morning at work, I was my typical stoic self, and one of the PC guys stopped at my door and flippantly asked, "Going for the Macho Daddy look?"

I looked over at him and swiveled my chair so I was looking him directly in his eyes and very quietly said, "My father has Stage 4 lung cancer. He'll be lucky to see his 65th birthday. The chemo is making his hair fall out. Anything else you care to ask?" I turned back to my Sun and went back to reading the previous night's email.

Until then, I had only seen that color of ashen face on the Dead.
furrbear: (Default)
Over the summer, over 60,000 people voted at NPR to select the top 100 science fiction and fantasy books of all time. The result? A list of 100 books with a wide range of styles, little context, and absolutely no pithy commentary to help readers actually choose something to read from it. Now SF Signal has come to the rescue with a 3800 x 2300 flowchart with over 325 decision points to help you find the perfect SF or Fantasy book to meet your tastes. Don't like to scroll? There's an interactive version that let's you answer a series of questions to find the perfect SF book."

(Click image for full size graphic.)


Oct. 8th, 2011 11:39 pm
furrbear: (Default)
"One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

furrbear: (Default)
New BF?

Someone to date regularly?

Maybe MORE later?

Watch this space.
furrbear: (Default)
Niels Bohr was born at Copenhagen on this day in 1885. His genius was challenged by his physiologist father, and he entered a competition from the Academy of Sciences to solve a scientific problem - his paper was published in 1908 and won the gold medal. He received his Masters in Physics from Copenhagen University in 1911, his Doctorate in 1913, and the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1922. He taught both in England and in Denmark until WW II. He found work and homes for many Jewish physicists who escaped to Denmark, then went to the US where he worked on the Manhattan Project. He was one of the physicists who campaigned for peace after seeing what the atomic bomb was capable of. His comments on life are filled with non sequiturs and charmingly border on the oxymoronic.
No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical.

Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them.

How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.

A physicist is just an atom's way of looking at itself.

Everything we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real.

It is not enough to be wrong, one must also be polite.

The meaning of life consists in the fact that it makes no sense to say that life has no meaning.
     All from Niels Bohr, 1885 - 1962

furrbear: (AppleHead)
Eternal Flame
furrbear: (BooBoo)
I've been waiting for a copy of this image since it was taken late last September. Today a package arrived with a Kodak Picture Disc and a framed 8x10 of the image. It's the last pic I know of with both David and me.

furrbear: (BooBoo)
Laid down about 5PM. crashed hard, not sure if it was a bug or what. woke up at one, pillow soaked with sweat.

With less than 0° 39' 54" of arc left for a complete solar transit, I guess I can look myself in the mirror and sing:
Happy half-a century!
Happy half-a century!
Happy half-a century
to me :-)
Yes, a REAL semi-centenarian. The Big 50. It was a truly Phenomenal weekend with David visiting this morning. The weekend was made truly unforgettable with the help of my wonderful friend, Chris. Despite looking like it was going to an incredibly sucky weekend, Chris rescued me Saturday and we spent an afternoon out at the lake relaxing with just the sounds of nature. Came back, took showers and shared making a great taco salad (recuerdas mi hermano, la próxima vez para incluir: Mezzetta Tamed Jalapeños y rodajas negro aceitunas.

David kept his promise and delivered something truly special and unexpected for my 50th: blessings, reassurance, and release. David came by this morning. I was in that 1/2 awake-1/2 dream state from falling back to sleep after we decided to skip church and sleep in. He told me he didn't need to worry about me, it looked like I had good friends looking out for me. I thought I felt someone sit down on the foot of the bed and shake my foot a bit to roust me, like Dave used to do. Then his voice, "John? Yogi? John-John?
"You've cried enough baby bear, I know it still hurts. I wish I could have told you those final three minutes in the ICU but my heart was too week. You were there you said goodbye and cried like I had never seen you. Same thing at the fUNREAL home (I love that term of yours - told you it would be.) You've cried all summer every time you think of me. "The management" had me come keep a closer eye on you when W.D. died, what a horrible way to go. You're one strong SOB and incredibly strong emotional heart, do you know that John-John? I guess the still waters running deep is true about you - lesser men would have crumpled. I think you're beginning to feel some of your gifts. Take it slow. Ah yes, the INFJ-INFP axis? They wanted to wait until they saw the empathy growing and evolving before letting you figure out those two, From what I've seen, you're great in that Counselor-Healer role. No it wasn't a setup at all, been on your path from the beginning. What's it you always say, "We're here for a reason." Trust me, you are. You'll make me proud.

"Who's the guy cuddled up next to you? Ah a "close friend", your marvelous gift for understatement. (*cough-cough* I was here all night, huney OK? Great show. He's got a cute butt.) Although, he's not in or for "The Spot" is he? Ok, I see, don't let romance mess up a great friendship. Great idea. Good, you need a couple like him to fill that empty hole in your soul, sorry for that. I can see you two are incredibly close. What's that? That spark and "For Ever" connection? It's real and you guys were right, it wasn't coincidence. You'll figure out what is was for later. "When the pupil is ready, the Master will appear." LOL That was my Rose Fong voice, I've been waiting to use it. Your other friend Del also is close to you. You've got a great start with these two, < href="http://www.gingerbear.net//Ring_Model_of_Friendship.html">Ring 0 and Ring 1, huh? Then they are special, Good! They both care a lot for you. I know you can relax and let the pain out with these two if you need to, been watching from a distance.

"You got a great start. You'll build more friends, I watch you. YES, trust your instincts you've gotten excellent since my departure. You pick good candidates, but they're not always ready on their end, like that guy from last week. LOL offer him everything he's been complaining about not having and he freaks because he's not orchestrating, Yeah F**king good luck with that with you - You WILL NOT be scripted. Some old friends may or may not return. I wish I could tell you about Cameron & Greg. I know they never met the real you in '99. When you got better, that was late 2002 as I recall and you weren't fully OK for a couple more years. Give them time. Call Randy if you need him. Ditto Arnie.

"John-John it's OK to let go now, not forget, but let go. I'm never not going to be a part of you. I'll always be in your heart and your memories. Baby, it's time. Quit beating yourself up with shoulda, woulda, coulda, The endocarditis was far too advanced when they first admitted me for pneumonia. Quit being afraid of falling in love. You have so many people who care about and love you, I'm not sure how many want to date you for a chance at more. They saw us, they hope it can be repeated with you. Yeah I know, you need someone who can do good Italian, but hey the seafood ban is off, you can do your lobster, crab, scallops, shrimp lasagna. You now where the recipes are. Saw your last few cobblers...WOW, the BSA would NEVER recognize their old recipes. What did you call that one? Dr.Marty Pavelka's Caribbean Rum Apple-Pear Cobbler? Heavens that smelt wonderful. Keeping that base and switching to Bourbon, Peaches, and other spices made that a hit too. Damn, 20 guys ate two full Dutch ovens of cobbler? You the man, Yogi.

"John-John, most precious man of my life, it's OK to go out and start living again. I'm not gone, I'm still with you, just in a different form. I'll always still be with you.

Happy 50th Birthday, Baby Bear, from Daddy Cub Dave. Do me a favor, Keep the Faith for me. May you have an easy fast in two weeks."
LOL, nice hint Davey. Yes, I'll follow it. I found a great Ghandi quote yesterday, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” I know, atonement is a two-way street.

I woke up with tears in my ears. My friend asked "What's wrong?" "David was here. He told me a lot. Thank you for being too tired to race to church. It wouldn't have happened had we got up. Thank you, Bubba."

Those who wish to wish, wish away,
furrbear: (Default)
Let's discuss everybear's favorite topic: dessert.
OK, last month's Bourbon Peach Cobbler was a huge hit, only dessert where I thought they licked the pan. I'm going to repeat that one, but tune the spices.

What I'd like to do, to slow the locusts that always hit my desserts, is to do another cobbler, but this time with rum. Any ideas?

Pineapple/coconut making a Piña Colada Cobbler seems almost too obvious.

Your ideas? Only rule, rum must be baked into the recipe, no adding afterward.
Comments screened until I get a winner.
furrbear: (Default)
When my David died, I had the benefit of being able to go into shock over the weekend and shelter my feelings for a couple days. Today caught me totally off guard, although as soon as I heard Terry's messages, I knew. I wasn't ready for it, but I knew. If things had been OK, David would have called me himself. Now I'm staggering in both shock and grief.

Both Jims gone, both Davids gone, Mike#1 gone. Michael #2 , Craig, and Bucky are all I have left. The more I need the memories to persist the quicker they seem to become fleeting and fade away from me. So I write, not for you, but for me.
furrbear: (Equal Marriage)

Went down to get some more iced tea, Mom tells me theres a message on the downstairs machine for me, "Terry something, Mills I think (Red flag raised)." Terry is my ex's WD's partner of eleven years. Cleaned out the queue of new messages. Just 'This is Terry Mills, David Walls friend (Dammit he knows to use partner). I'm calling for John Clizbe, if he could give me a call at NPA-NXX-XXXX,' Same thing for two days.

My sense of foreboding just pegged. Something is definitely not good. I talked to David about a month ago, he was telling me about having colon cancer. I said something at the time and ever optimistic WD replied, "No hurry. I'll be around here for a while still." I came back upstairs, took a couple Xanax, waited 30 minutes and called. Skipped 'Hello' and went right to 'Terry, What's wrong?

©2000 John P. Clizbe

W. David Walls. 13 Dec 1956 - 6 Sep 2011

John & WD - 11 May 1989 - 11 May 1999.
The first 7 years were very good.

Taken 12 Apr 2000. He knew I was leaving TX in a couple weeks and asked me to take some pictures of him that he could use online. I found them while sorting through a bunch of old floppies. The two photo frames on either side of the mantle clock: me on the left, my David on the right.

I remember our meeting. I had escaped the hospital in time to shower and eat dinner before meeting some friends for a TGRA fundraiser at Fort Worth's 651. I fell in instant lust the first time I saw him. He disappeared to go down the street to meet a date but got stood up, so he came back. Bought him a beer. And the rest, they say, is history.

Things went well for abut the first seven years then a black cloud of depression settled upon him, it was depression mixed with bipolar behavior and violent rages. At friends urging, he finally got treatment, but it was over for me. I had weathered all the storms I could and had moved on to David #2, in fact those abusive bouts of rage would be the basis of my own PTSS melt-down a few months later. David #2 got me through that one alive.

From what I did keep up, after getting on medication, both he and Terry were successful apartment complex managers up to the time he got sick and could no longer work. then Terry cut his hours and eventually quit to take care of David full time (Lord, this sounds familiar). A fever Monday sent him to the hospital,Trouble breathing brought intubation and sedation. Tuesday afternoon, heartrate and BP were all over the chart, he was coding. David had worked in enough nursing homes, he didn't want to be hooked to a machine to live. Sometime around 2:00, Terry told them they could stop CPR.

My two Davids, W. David Walls and David Keith Nichols, the sources of happiness in my life for the past twenty-two years gone. Gone in a space of less than four months. February was the garage/office/woodshop/panrty/and storage area burning along with my 74 MGB and 78 VW Bug. Dear God, what a trying year this has been.

At least I got plenty of practicing keening in the last few months.

Goodbye, my Bubba and Goodbye my little BooBoo. I know you're both in a better place and no longer in pain. Dubby, I tried, but would you teach David how to make a decent Chicken Fried Steak?"

May they with the faithful departed rest in peace and rise in GLORY. May light perpetual shine upon them. +++"

furrbear: (LeatherBear)

This season Glee goes to New Orleans for Labor Day before school starts.

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