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furrbearWent down to get some more iced tea, Mom tells me theres a message on the downstairs machine for me, "Terry something, Mills I think (Red flag raised)." Terry is my ex's WD's partner of eleven years. Cleaned out the queue of new messages. Just 'This is Terry Mills, David Walls friend (Dammit he knows to use partner). I'm calling for John Clizbe, if he could give me a call at NPA-NXX-XXXX,' Same thing for two days.
My sense of foreboding just pegged. Something is definitely not good. I talked to David about a month ago, he was telling me about having colon cancer. I said something at the time and ever optimistic WD replied, "No hurry. I'll be around here for a while still." I came back upstairs, took a couple Xanax, waited 30 minutes and called. Skipped 'Hello' and went right to 'Terry, What's wrong?
 ©2000 John P. Clizbe W. David Walls. 13 Dec 1956 - 6 Sep 2011 John & WD - 11 May 1989 - 11 May 1999. The first 7 years were very good. |
Taken 12 Apr 2000. He knew I was leaving TX in a couple weeks and asked me to take some pictures of him that he could use online. I found them while sorting through a bunch of old floppies. The two photo frames on either side of the mantle clock: me on the left, my David on the right.
I remember our meeting. I had escaped the hospital in time to shower and eat dinner before meeting some friends for a TGRA fundraiser at Fort Worth's 651. I fell in instant lust the first time I saw him. He disappeared to go down the street to meet a date but got stood up, so he came back. Bought him a beer. And the rest, they say, is history.
Things went well for abut the first seven years then a black cloud of depression settled upon him, it was depression mixed with bipolar behavior and violent rages. At friends urging, he finally got treatment, but it was over for me. I had weathered all the storms I could and had moved on to David #2, in fact those abusive bouts of rage would be the basis of my own PTSS melt-down a few months later. David #2 got me through that one alive.
From what I did keep up, after getting on medication, both he and Terry were successful apartment complex managers up to the time he got sick and could no longer work. then Terry cut his hours and eventually quit to take care of David full time (Lord, this sounds familiar). A fever Monday sent him to the hospital,Trouble breathing brought intubation and sedation. Tuesday afternoon, heartrate and BP were all over the chart, he was coding. David had worked in enough nursing homes, he didn't want to be hooked to a machine to live. Sometime around 2:00, Terry told them they could stop CPR.
My two Davids, W. David Walls and David Keith Nichols, the sources of happiness in my life for the past twenty-two years gone. Gone in a space of less than four months. February was the garage/office/woodshop/panrty/and storage area burning along with my 74 MGB and 78 VW Bug. Dear God, what a trying year this has been.
At least I got plenty of practicing keening in the last few months.
Goodbye, my Bubba and Goodbye my little BooBoo. I know you're both in a better place and no longer in pain. Dubby, I tried, but would you teach David how to make a decent Chicken Fried Steak?"
May they with the faithful departed rest in peace and rise in GLORY. May light perpetual shine upon them. +++"
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Date: 2011-09-10 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 04:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 04:33 am (UTC)Shit.
Any other response feels inadequate.
I wish I could be with you silently since I really can't say anything meaningful.
FUCK!
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Date: 2011-09-10 04:46 am (UTC)I am sorry for your loss
Date: 2011-09-10 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 05:08 am (UTC)Fixed the markup error
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Date: 2011-09-10 05:08 am (UTC)Fixed the markup error
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Date: 2011-09-10 05:08 am (UTC)Fixed the markup error
Re: I am sorry for your loss
Date: 2011-09-10 05:10 am (UTC)Fixed the markup error
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Date: 2011-09-10 05:11 am (UTC)Fixed the markup error
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Date: 2011-09-10 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 06:58 am (UTC)May the spirit from whence they came, welcome them home with loving arms, and may you find solace, and not grief.
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Date: 2011-09-10 07:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 01:21 pm (UTC)And, when you're done, make a list of what you DO have that brings you joy and satisfaction. I trust that list will be longer, in quality and not just quantity. This is in no way to make light of these losses, these very important men who have been the staples of love and support in your life. But, you have to anchor yourself to this physical world, too. There's plenty of love and support left for you here.
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Date: 2011-09-10 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-10 08:20 pm (UTC)May you find some peace and happiness soon.
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Date: 2011-09-10 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-11 05:39 am (UTC)