From the Tongue-In-Cheek Dept....

[furrbear]

Sign the "Ex-Hillary Fans For McCain" Pledge

(Promoted by kos)

Dear ex-Hillary fans who are showing their support for her by ignoring her call to support Obama and supporting McCain,

First, I'd like to congratulate you. You've asked yourself WWJMD and you've decided to vote against your own interests and principles while furthering Senator McCain's. Before you're allowed on the band wagon, we are asking you to sign the following oath. A McCain presidency will mean different things for different people, so we have tailored the oaths accordingly.

The McCain Loyalty Oath for Gays

I, _____________, pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's

• commitment to the Army's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy because to "even reopen the issue" would be a "terrific mistake."
• promise to protect "the sanctity of marriage as between a man and woman."
• commitment to banning federal recognition of gay marriage and domestic partnerships.
• opposition to gay adoption which he doesn't think is "appropriate."
• opposition to expanding the federal hate crimes law to include sexual orientation.

As a gay person, I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to...

• stop engaging in gay sex.
• never try to marry or adopt.
• enroll in a program to treat my homosexuality and "straighten" myself out, such as a "M.A.N.S. Journey"
• Masculinity, Authenticity, Need Fulfillment, Surrender Journey).
• install nanny cams in my house to prevent any gay relapses.
• take responsibility for natural disasters**, including Katrina.

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and his programs and I will not complain about my loss of civil rights. And I will continue to refrain from gay sex.

Sincerely,
Signature __________


The McCain Loyalty Oath for Women

I _____________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's...

• fight to overturn Roe v. Wade and my right to choose.
• fight against equal pay for men and women.
• opposition to providing low-income and uninsured women and families with health care services ranging from breast and cervical cancer screening to birth control.
• opposition to sex education and support of abstinence-only education.
• making birth control covered by insurance.
• endorsement of women's rights more "in theory" than in practice.
• pet name for his wife.

As a woman I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to...

• call myself and my female friends the C word.
• picket abortion clinics.
• not use contraceptives.
  
• drink bleachso I don't catch HIV and drink Mountain due so I don't get pregnant.
• give back part of my salary to male coworkers.
• not vote, but pursue education and encourage my father/husband/brother male friends to vote for McCain.

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my losing my right to choose, and other reproductive freedoms. And I will continue to refrain from pursuing equality for women.

Sincerely,
Signature __________


The McCain Loyalty Oath for Straight White Men

Straight white men, I bet you thought we left you out. This country may have turned its back on you, but we haven't. Here's a pledge of your own:

I _____________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain's...

• commitment to follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell.
• opposition to limiting soldiers' deployment to 12 months.
• fight against benefits for veterans.
• support of Bush's preemptive war doctrine.
• Operation Infinite Presence in Iraq.

As a straight white man I promise to apply McCain's principles to my own life and vow to...

• use Iran/Iraq and Shiites/Sunnis interchangeably.
• clear my schedule for the next 100 years.
• enlist in the military.
• follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell
• while smiling).
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Iraq.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Iran.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Syria.
• be willing to kill and/or be killed in Venezuela.

Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my loss of limbs or life. And I will continue to refrain from questioning the war in Iraq or any other wars we will be fighting.

Sincerely,
Signature ________________________________

**Although McCain and Hagee have since un-endorsed each other, that was not until Hagee's controversial Holocaust speech was discovered. McCain didn't think Hagee's position on gay people (or women or Muslims, for that matter) warrant his disavowal.

[originally posted at http://katiehalper.com/ and Living Liberally]

Comments

[friarjohn.livejournal.com]

You should post this over at lj-dems.

Rabid Hillary Fan

[txcwby.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm a rabid Hillary fan, and yes, I intend to vote republican to punish the democratic party. McCain can't be any worse than Obama.

Re: Rabid Hillary Fan

[mondragon.livejournal.com]

Please tell me you're joking?

[wolfchylde.livejournal.com]

I supported Hillary, till the bitter end in fact...

However, voting for McCain, as many embittered Hillary supporters seem keen to do is ABSOLUTELY asinine. I will vote for Obama because I AM a registered Democrat, and as such also have to consider the PARTY I chose to support as well...

I will not cast a 'Pyhrric' vote for Clinton if she's not chosen as VP either, because THAT would be childish too.

I LOVE the Veruca Salt way everyone stamps their feet and pouts that they didn't get what they wanted... this is how the political process works, and being churlish and saying that either not voting or voting for the opposition is somehow BENEFITING us shows how retarded (and selfish) the Democratic party has become.

If McCain wins, it will take all my personal willpower to keep from beating the everliving shit out of any "Hillary supporter" who voted for him instead.

This 'cutting of one's nose to spite one's face' bullshit shows how short-sighted and petulant people have become... *snarl*

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Absolutely spot-on.

Nice to know there are a few grown-ups around....

[bookish-cub.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

[hickbear.livejournal.com]

Snortle. It's been obvious that the Republican's biggest supporters - namely, Poor White Southern Trash - have voted in opposition to their own interests for years-n-years-n-years. It's a complete shame that more folks - namely, certain of Teh Gheys - would consider doing the same. Yet, here we are. :-{{{{

[shocubmn.livejournal.com]

In response to this comment...

"McCain can't be any worse than Obama"

If that is truly the case, why not support the candidate that wont be a threat to your civil rights and possibly give you a better future where that is concerned?

[furrbear.livejournal.com]

Amen

And McCain has shown himself to be much worse than clinton or Obama for the health of this nation.

What are we supposed to do?

[brinah.livejournal.com]

I've watched as this fool saw a blazing flame and became so stuck on himself and how wonderful he (Obama) has heard people say he is steamrolled the Democratic Party in half. I believe he wants to be the first African-American President. I believe he's forgotten that he's only had half the experience that Hillary has had. I believe that he has his head up his ass. I believe that he allowed a campaign to become misogynistic while attempting to play the race card for himself. I believe that his behavior is unacceptable.

How then, can I reward this behavior and attitude by my vote?

Granted, I don't want to vote Republican and more than likely I will not. I will simply leave that line blank or write in "Mickey Mouse". My vote has, again, been stolen in the process of Democracy for the third time. I'm quite disgusted.

[lucentnotion.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how childish people can be when they don't get their way.

[furrbear.livejournal.com]

Isn't it?

Instead of electing the leader of our nation, they behave as if it's 3rd grade class favorite.

[that-grr.livejournal.com]

[furrbear.livejournal.com]

Yeppers.

And McSame has as much grasp of world affairs as Dumbya.

John McCain: Putin Is The President Of Germany