The "M" Word

[furrbear]

Great quote found online:

"It's funny, but Monogamy seems to be a concept that most single guys think they want, and most partnered guys can live without. ... If you are secure in your relationship, and you know you just like to 'have fun' and your partner likes to 'have fun' then you do have something in common."

Comments

IMHO

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

Monogamy isn't about denying yourself anything or equating yourself to anyone. And it has nothing to do with security or lack of security in one's relationship. It's simply about the "C" word - commitment. If you truly love someone, not in the sense that I love my sister, but in the sense that love only my partner, it should be possible for you to fulfill your desires with them alone. If you can't, that is, if you have to resort to sexual surrogates, then maybe you are attempting a "relationship" with the wrong person.

Re: IMHO

[tecknow.livejournal.com]

If you truly love someone, not in the sense that I love my sister, but in the sense that love only my partner, it should be possible for you to fulfill your desires with them alone.

Source?

Re: IMHO

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

That was just something I made up.

[bearbarry.livejournal.com]

heterosexual values? Like they don't swing and screw around too. There are some values and beliefs that resonate with some people and not with others. Being gay is not a choice, but being promiscuous or monogamous is a choice. I don't belittle or question the choice two people make to have whatever sort of relationship works for them as long as it doesn't harm children. There is a measure of personal discipline required from both partners to make a monogamous relationship work. It isn't for everyone. I will say I have FAR more respect for any couple who is honest and upfront about their open status than I have for a couple who claims monogamy while both of them screw around behind each other's backs.

[furrytxcub.livejournal.com]

Even when I was in a relationship, I had no desire to have an open relationship. I know that open relationships are the new hot thing for gay men but I think it's silly.

[bearbarry.livejournal.com]

We have some single friends and a few couples who have expressed an interest in playing with us. I'd be lying if I said it isn't tempting at times, but the complications always seem to outweigh any benefit. Good for you sticking up for what you want.

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

I had an open relationship for many years.

George and I loved each other very much.

Should I find myself in another relationship,
it could be open or monogmous.

If the relationship is solid.. and there is
honesty, trust, communication, respect, and
lots of love.. then it will endure.

[cuboz.livejournal.com]

Is it a monotonous relationship, or just a veneer of mahogany?

Sorry - a play with words a la "Kath & Kim"...

That said - I respect people's choices to either have a completely monogamous relationship, or a negotiated open one. It's all about choice, and I think we should be free to make those choices without the stigma of so-called social values.

We're sexual beings with a genetically programmed "urge" to procreate - survival of the species, so to speak. So, I totally understand why people DO want to "play around" - it's a natural instinct and desire. Which is why I also admire those people that ARE able to maintain a long lasting and completely monogamous relationship. I don't think I would be able to do it...

Genetically programmed.

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

Not a particularly compelling argument.

We are also carnivorous beings with a genetically programmed urge to kill things with our hands and eat them raw. We are also DNA factories with a genetically programmed urge to procreate as often as possible with as many partners as possible. We are also territorally clanish beings with a genetically programmed urge to attack our neighbors and eat their food.

None of that makes these desirable bahaviors. Having opposable thumbs and abnormally enlarged brains has opened up choices to us to act counter to our primal programming. Sometimes we make choices because we care enough to.

Re: Genetically programmed.

[jp5040.livejournal.com]

I like this statement!

I appreciate that it reflects on the factr we all are animal at heart, but it is human to be more than the sum of our parts.

Monogamy or open marriage are either absolutely possible or absolutely impossible depending on many factors. Commitment to one person does not necessarily mean not ever enjoying sex with others, however, if it interferes with emotional commitments then the "partnership" is breaking down. Monogamy precludes the trial by fire that open arrangements create. However, monogamy for the sake of morality, and to avoid conflict which exists under the surface is also a thin dressing for a deep wound.

[snousle.livejournal.com]

It is a constant struggle to avoid relapsing into monogamy. But it's a problem worth working on. Although I have occasional periods of weakness, in which only one man seems attractive, these don't last very long. With the support of my friends I have been able to remain promiscuous most of the time.

[jp5040.livejournal.com]

rotflmao!