furrbear | Coincidence?

I was reading this as BooBoo brought me my own piece of King Cake:

blondiusmaximus works at a king cake bakery.

But the current drama at the bakery is that some dude called up yelling at us because his wife swallowed the tiny plastic baby Jesus in the king cake and had to go to the emergency room because it was stuck in her stomach. Now, okay, I'm sorry your wife is in the ER, but I have little to no sympathy for her. First of all, everrrrry single one of our king cakes comes with a warning on the bag that there's a plastic doll inside, secondly, if you know annnnything about king cake you know about the tiny Jesus, thirdly, the doll isn't even baked in the cake, it's just placed on the bottom, so if you pick up a slice you would see it, and lastly, LEARN TO CHEW YOUR FUCKING FOOD. Jesus Christ that Jesus baby is not that tiny the only way you would miss it is if you were shoving that shit down your throat like an anaconda macking on a gazelle or some shit. I'M SORRY BUT IT'S TRUE.

OM NOM NOM QWP