Alone in Hell by Yourself

[furrbear]

Along with an enormous 10 hr flood of grief , I've felt like i've been surfing the wave of a panic attack and at any moment, I'll wipe out, go under and drown as I hyperventilate. About 10 AM I pulled the first cord on the 2mg Klonopin life jacket and the 2nd cord about 10:30. At least I now feel like I'm headed towards a calm lagoon. This night was worse then the actual trip to the ICU two months ago.

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[furrbear.livejournal.com]

Panic attack from last night seems to have abated. Spent much of the night on the edge, but I just knew how to keep from falling over. 4mg Klonopin split at 10 & 10:30. Knocked me out, just woke 6:30ish PM. In a heavy BZD brain fog for now. Had weird dream. David was holding me as I cried, and I thought I felt tears on my shoulder and kisses on my ear. He didn't say anything though