furrbear: (BooBoo)
furrbear ([personal profile] furrbear) wrote2011-07-12 11:33 am
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Alone in Hell by Yourself




Along with an enormous 10 hr flood of grief , I've felt like i've been surfing the wave of a panic attack and at any moment, I'll wipe out, go under and drown as I hyperventilate. About 10 AM I pulled the first cord on the 2mg Klonopin life jacket and the 2nd cord about 10:30. At least I now feel like I'm headed towards a calm lagoon. This night was worse then the actual trip to the ICU two months ago.


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[identity profile] osodecanela.livejournal.com 2011-07-12 05:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh hon! Hugs! Wish I ws there to help.

{{{{{{{{John}}}}}}}}

[identity profile] furrbear.livejournal.com 2011-07-13 12:12 am (UTC)(link)
Panic attack from last night seems to have abated. Spent much of the night on the edge, but I just knew how to keep from falling over. 4mg Klonopin split at 10 & 10:30. Knocked me out, just woke 6:30ish PM. In a heavy BZD brain fog for now. Had weird dream. David was holding me as I cried, and I thought I felt tears on my shoulder and kisses on my ear. He didn't say anything though
Edited 2011-07-13 00:37 (UTC)

[identity profile] furrbear.livejournal.com 2011-07-13 02:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Believe it or not, it felt like you were near.
Along with Dean.
Along with Chris.
Along with David.

I'm blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life.

[identity profile] danthered.livejournal.com 2011-07-12 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Sigh. *HUG* Sorry to read it. Hope things get easier soon.

[identity profile] bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com 2011-07-12 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
oh how I wish there was something we could do for you.

[identity profile] maxauburn.livejournal.com 2011-07-12 10:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I know what you are going through.

Wish I could help, somehow.

((BIG HUGS))

[identity profile] musicbearmn.livejournal.com 2011-07-13 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Know that you are free to send me messages to vent, etc. Your LJ family is walking with you.

[identity profile] grizzlyzone.livejournal.com 2011-07-13 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
I understand.

[identity profile] mort-83.livejournal.com 2011-07-13 02:40 am (UTC)(link)
I hope you find some peace of mind soon.


[identity profile] greatbearmd.livejournal.com 2011-07-14 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
Peace be with you, along with many friends.

[identity profile] furrbear.livejournal.com 2011-07-14 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
The Peace of the Lord be also with you.

Talked to Doc Tommy today. He said I went through something pretty normal and it sounded like I handled it just right. I avoided the panic and anxiety attacks, I let the grieving go on until it ended on its own.

Other good stuff to today with the Best Friend w/ Benefits [it's on Bruizr]
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